we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
