You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
