K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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