sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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