My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
