I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
