You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
