He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
