This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i love accidental penises.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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