You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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