Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
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You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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