i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
