You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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