I haven't been this sober since birth.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
