I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
