she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
