Cold hands, warm shart.
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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