dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think a kid would responsible me up
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
