Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
