my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
