you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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