my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
