even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
