Michael Bay diarrhea
you traded sex for a burrito?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
