You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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