I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
