Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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