Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
