you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just had sex on a roof
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
