i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
