I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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