nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish you could order shots online.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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