I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
