he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
