omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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