Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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