That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
