i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
where are you?
Hypothermia
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
