This is not my ceiling
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
