Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
