ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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