Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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