Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
