this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize