You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there was a trapeze. enough said
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
