that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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