I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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