I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
