WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
