we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
