Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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