You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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