Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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