I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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