meet me or not, i'm out of control
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
