i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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