Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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