nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
