What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
