swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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