I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
