so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
