Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
