he thought i was a dude.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
