So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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